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An update on my 50 books in 2021 goal

Two months into 2021 and I’m ahead on the 50 book challenge. Here’s a list of what I’ve read so far along with brief notes.

  1. Cultural Amnesia – Clive James. Review here.
  2. The Naked and the Dead – Norman Mailer. Mini-review here.
  3. The Hamlet – William Faulkner. Not my favorite Faulkner, but still Faulkner.
  4. The Dog Stars – Peter Heller. I’m a sucker for good post-apocalyptic stories. This was a fun one.
  5. Jayber Crow – Wendell Berry. My first book by Berry. Beautiful story. Much better than what I anticipated.
  6. Tortilla Flat – John Steinbeck. Funny!
  7. The Sunset Limited – Cormac McCarthy. Bittersweet in that this is the last of McCarthy’s novels that I haven’t read. Guess it’s time to start over from the beginning again. I also watched the Tommy Lee Jones & Samuel Jackson movie. Very existential. It reminded me a lot of the Grand Inquisitor in the Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky.
  8. Where the Crawdads Sing – Delia Owens. This was a recommendation from a friend. I don’t read a lot of recently-released-fiction, but I’m glad I read this one. It’s got a heavy focus on birds and ecology, it’s set in the South, and it’s a fun whodunit type of book.
  9. Conscious– Annaka Harris. Panpsychism is a fascinating concept.
  10. The Red and the Black – Stendhal. I read this because it was influential for René Girard. I’m still processing it. As I read it I didn’t find it extremely engaging but I’ve found that it’s stuck with me.
  11. Extraterrestrial – Avi Loeb. Read this. A real scientist making a very compelling case for extraterrestrial life.
  12. The Evolution of Desire – Cynthia L. Haven. A book about the life and works of René Girard. Very well written and a great introduction to Girard.
  13. Never Enough – Judith Grisel. An engaging and pragmatic look at drug addiction.
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The Naked and the Dead Mini-Review

Norman Mailer’s The Naked and the Dead is less about strategy or tactics than it is about soldiers. It’s about the dynamics between commanders and their subordinates. The way men of different backgrounds deal with being placed together and forced to cooperate. The constant affronts to personal morality that war brings, and the way war pushes endurance and courage to their absolute limits. It’s also about power dynamics, love and lust, and of course death.

It takes a Tolstoyian effort to sandwich that many themes between the covers of one, huge albeit, book and Mailer manages to… well, not really approach Tolstoy but he manages to weigh in as a Tolstoy-light. In the best possible way. The Naked and the Dead is easier reading than War and Peace . It has far fewer characters, settings, and scope, but it still manages to explore a lot of the same ground in a meaningful and compelling way. It’s impressive, especially for a work written when Mailer was essentially just a kid.

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Cultural Amnesia Review

In some sense, I’m glad Clive James wrote Cultural Amnesia in the early 2000’s. At that time, he was able to end it on an optimistic note. Despite living in a post 9/11 world, he was able to conclude the book with the feeling that if the end of history wasn’t already beginning, that it was imminent. 

It’s not.

In 2021 Cultural Amnesia feels more like a coda to the greatest hits of Western Civilization as we enter the neo-1984 era where nothing beautiful is safe from the sanctimonious purges of postmodern puritans hellbent on bleaching our meta-narratives. Where that leads us remains to be seen. I’m not optimistic.

Present context aside, this is a beautifully written book. It’s an indulgent tour of the stars of modern history who come together to form a constellation in which the imaginative reader can begin to see the shape of human achievement, both for good and for ill.

I listened to the audio version which is narrated very nicely by the author. It is, unbeknownst to me when I started it, heavily abridged. Fortunately, each chapter in the book is a self-contained vignette of a person that James found interesting and the book doesn’t need to be read in any order. I’m looking forward to finishing the chapters missing from the audiobook as I thumb through the paper version throughout the rest of of the year.

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50 Books in 2021

After ODing a bit on news, Twitter, and podcasts in 2020, I’m headed back to the stacks this year. I’m going to read 50 books. So far I’ve got 7 other people to join me, why don’t you?

If you have young kids or other life circumstances that make ~1 book a week unpractical, pick a number that will stretch you but not be impossible.

Also, rather than just sharing my reviews on Goodreads, I’m going to post some of them here. Time to start getting some of those sweet sweet page views again.

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Bird Photography

In 2018 I somehow managed to get interested in bird photography. Since it’s become a fairly serious hobby. I thought I’d share some of my photography here:

Black Skimmers

I also share my photos on Instagram.

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How to Stay Sane & Smart in 2020

If you’re like me, you’ve found that the current state of the world is bringing up complex issues that are challenging your beliefs and pushing you to evolve your identity. The wildly varying ideas around how to deal with Covid-19, issues of social justice, especially racism and police violence, and the upcoming American presidential election have created a battleground of the mind. Everywhere you look people are angry and screaming for change. It’s not an exaggeration to say that lives and livelihoods are on the line.

These difficult topics are everywhere in social and traditional media, but are also present in charged, real-world conversations with family, friends and, more than I can ever remember, at work as well. While most people are well-intentioned, there are undoubtedly bad agendas being pushed by both well meaning people as well as by bad actors taking advantage of a historical moment. You don’t have to look far to see how dangerously divided we’re becoming.

If you’re unwilling to accept the herd mentality (as you should be) and to go along with the madness of the crowds, you’ll need a framework to help you avoid being converted to bad ideologies by their strong emotional appeals and instead, form your own opinions based on a deeper understanding of the world.

It’s no small task.

Proponents at every point in the spectrum of ideas are astute and come with polished presentations that appeal deeply to our desire for social acceptance. Their arguments are made on a primal, emotional level that can easily override calmer, rational thinking.

Deeply Understand

“I never allow myself to have an opinion on anything that I don’t know the other side’s argument better than they do.”

Charlie Munger

On the surface, Munger’s advice may seem obvious but, if you spend a few minutes listening to the news, podcasts, or reading opinion pieces online, you’ll see that it’s almost never followed.

It’s very easy to convince yourself that you already understand both sides or that you’re making a real effort to do so when, in fact, you’re just strengthening your own position by looking for obvious or surface-level weaknesses in views that challenge your own. For the sake of this article, we’ll assume that you’re dealing with a complex topic where there are rational and intelligent people on both sides.

“There is something wrong with everything (by which I mean there are few decisive or knockdown articles or arguments, and furthermore until you have found the major flaws in an argument, you do not understand it).”

Tyler Cowen’s First Law

You’re wasting your time re-enforcing your own pre-held ideas if you haven’t found the smartest person on the other side and spent significant time reading their work, listening to their lectures on YouTube, or otherwise deeply engaging with their ideas.

You’ll know you’re truly understanding when two things happen:

First, you will feel that there’s a possibility that you might become convinced by an idea you didn’t hold before. By definition, it will be an uncomfortable feeling. If you inspect it closer, you’ll find that it’s rooted in the threat of a mini-ego-dissolution. This is because you’ve made yourself vulnerable to persuasion. Being persuaded away from a strongly held belief threatens your status quo, which is the thing your ego is there to protect. This is the sign of true open-mindedness. It’s not an easy path, and it doesn’t come without risk, but if you really want to understand, it is the way.

Second, you will know you’ve understood when you no longer feel defensive when discussing an idea with someone who doesn’t share your views. Defensiveness arises when we sense a threat to our identity. If you’ve followed Munger’s advice above, you shouldn’t feel that threat anymore. You’ll have already done the hard work.

The loss of defensiveness is not to be confused with complacency. Strong opinions can, and should, cause us to feel passion that leads us to making change in our lives as well as giving us a desire to convince others to do the same. But right action doesn’t arise from defensiveness, it arises from wisdom.

A Note on Dangerous Ideas

There are, of course, certain ideas that are simply not worth understanding deeply, even given the points I just made above. Extremely charismatic people can, and often do, convince well intentioned truth-seekers of dangerous or harmful ideas. Use your judgement. The world is complex and we can’t hope to understand it without taking some risk, but discernment is still called for.

Don’t Understand

All that having been said, in order to stay sane, as my favorite Stoic Marcus Aurelius said:

“We have the power to hold no opinion about a thing and to not let it upset our state of mind—for things have no natural power to shape our judgments.

Meditations 6.52

Following the advice in the first part of this article is exhausting and time-consuming. So, unless it’s something that is within your circle of influence, that affects your every day life, or something you’re genuinely interested in, it’s probably not worth taking the time and effort to form an opinion about it.

It’s okay not to say “I don’t know” or “I don’t know yet, let me get back to you.” In fact, usually it’s better.

Finally,

The world is changing fast. Bad ideas masquerading as good ones abound. In many cases, complacency is no longer an option. Even though sometimes it feels like you’re being left behind by the rapid changes around you, it’s worth taking the time to form good, strong opinions and, unless you’ve really felt that sense of threat to your ego when coming to an opinion, you probably still have work to do. When it’s necessary, do the work When it’s not, follow Marcus Aurelius’ advice–don’t get caught in the waves that would otherwise harmlessly pass you by.

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Do stuff you won’t regret

A common theme that hospice workers write about is the regrets that dying people have in the final days of their lives. The point of these articles is to encourage people with time left to go out and do things while they still can to avoid having similar regrets.

What I want to focus on this year is similar to preparing to avoid deathbed regrets, but not quite the same. I want to figure out why I don’t do things that I know that I’d enjoy or, at least not regret, but that I still don’t do. Then, I if there’s no good reason not to do it, I want to do it.

For example, I’d almost certainly love scuba diving. I’d definitely benefit from doing yoga. If I got an online or real life French teacher, I’d improve much faster. If I started taking my kids to the rock climbing gym it’d almost certainly lead to lots of good times with them. There are several trips that I could plan that I haven’t.

Some people seem to get an idea for something, realize that they’d like it, then they do the logical thing and do it. Others, like me, sometimes stop short before actually taking the next step despite there being no good reason not to.

When I think about why I don’t do things I wouldn’t regret, it seems to come down to one or more of the following reasons:

  • Time. It’s the most limited resource.
  • Money. It’s is famously difficult to get and once you’ve spent it all, you have to spend time trying to get more of it.
  • Health. Some things are risky to do.
  • Energy. It’s also a limited resource and it’s a tough one to manage and predict.
  • Mood & optimism. If I can’t imagine my future state of enjoyment vividly enough to convince myself it will be real, I likely won’t be motivated enough to do the thing.
  • Comfort. It’s easy to get used to being comfortable and hard to get up the momentum to sacrifice comfort for some other good.
  • Embarrassment or humiliation. We’re social creatures and if there’s even a slight chance of looking bad in front of others, it can be a huge deterrent.
  • Fear of letting someone down. Sometimes I worry that someone I love will be hurt or disappointed by my choice. This fear can be something as simple as concern about leaving my family alone for a few days for a trip to worrying that someone with a different political/religious/moral view will be hurt if they find out I’m involved with something they disagree with. Obviously if I really would be hurting a loved one, I should take this thought seriously, but often it seems that the fear is irrational.
  • Fear of failure. Sometimes I fear failure just because it’s failure, other times it’s the fear that yet another failure will in some way break my spirit and I won’t want to try new things again.
  • Uncertainty. There is sometimes an aspect of the thing that I don’t know enough about and, rather than gathering more information or figuring out what I’m missing, I let the uncertainty be a mental blocker.

So, my plan for 2020 is to be more intentional about the things that I do and don’t do. If I have an idea of something I’d like to do, I’ll go down the list, try to figure out what it is that’s stopping me from doing the thing, and if there’s no rational reason not to do it, I’ll take action.

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An Aspirational List on How to Live

This is an aspirational list of things I’d like to do or be but am not now. It’s heavily inspired by Derek Sivers and his idea of “directives,” short statements on how to live. I wrote this saying “I am” rather than “I’d like to be,”  so that by telling myself I’m this way, I’ll begin to act the part.

  • I associate with people I admire. The people in my life expand my horizons and open the world to me.
  • Love is the most important part of my life. My primary focus is on relationships.
  • I find ways to serve people and improve the world. I am generous with my time and money.
  • I have a bias for action. When I recognize something is good, I act on it immediately, or as soon as possible.
  • I embrace the strenuous life. I welcome challenges to my mental and physical endurance.
  • I take smart risks. If there’s a reasonable advantage, a smart angle or black swan-like ratio, I take the risk.
  • I project strength and warmth. I am someone people trust, follow, and want to be around.
  • Mastery is my way of life. I have a beginners mind that seeks perfection in everything I do.
  • I use writing, reading, storytelling, music, and art to understand and connect with humanity.
  • I am a spiritual person. I take time to meditate, reflect, feel gratitude, and to heal myself and others.
  • I am completely honest.
  • Now is the time that matters most to me. Life is short and precious so I seize the moment.
  • I bring solutions, not problems.
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Musings on The Amazon Book Store

I recently visited the Amazon book store, currently the only one in existence. I came away with mixed feelings. The best part is that the prices are the same in the store as online. Other than that though, there’s not much good to say about it. It’s small, the shelves are much too close together making the entire store feel uncomfortably crowded. The worst part is that it’s stocked only with the best selling and highest rated books on Amazon. This results in a very shallow selection picked purely by popularity. Your chances of discovering a forgotten treasure are next to nothing. We left and went from there to Third Place Books. It was a breath of fresh air. As nice is it is to pay less, I’ll stick bookstores like Third Place or El Ateneo when I’m shopping IRL.

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My experience with Lasik eye surgery

This post is probably only useful if you’re considering getting your eyes LASIK’ed, like I had been thinking about for quite awhile. I finally had it done yesterday, this is my experience.

I went in last Saturday for a 2 hour appointment consisting of a a preliminary exam to see if I’d be a good candidate then a longer, fully-dilated eye exam to determine my prescription and the type of surgery I’d need (LASIK or PRK).  The result was that I was a candidate for Lasik and didn’t need PRK which, as I understand, has a longer recovery time and is an altogether different procedure. After reading scary 6 page list of things that could possibly go wrong, I signed the form and scheduled the surgery to be done the next Saturday.

Marcus before LASIK
Before LASIK

The surgery itself was pretty straightforward. I got there Saturday morning at 8:30 and was out by 10:00. First I met with a doctor who inserted small plugs into my tear ducts presumably to keep my eyes from tearing up too much during the surgery. They weren’t removed at the end of the surgery, I was told they dissolve in a month which, to me, was the most disturbing part of the whole ordeal. A few minutes later I was taken to the surgery room, reclined on a table and given a teddy bear and a blanket to “give your hands something to do.” Nice.

The surgeon came in and my eyes were numbed with drops that worked very quickly – they dropped them in and pressed my eye with an instrument–I couldn’t feel it at all. Then they pressed down pretty hard on the first eye with something that felt like it had maybe the diameter of a penny. They pressed hard enough to completely dim my vision for about 5 seconds. I definitely felt this, but it didn’t really hurt, just felt like an unhealthy amount of pressure on the eye. As soon as my vision was restored (or maybe while it was still dim, I’m not sure) they sliced my cornea to make a flap, I was a little nervous about that part, but mostly just curious, it didn’t hurt at all. I could see it being pushed back and my vision immediately became really, really blurry for a few seconds. My thoughts were “cool, I’ll never see like this again!” A nurse began counting down the seconds as soon as the flap was made so I assume it can’t be safely pushed back for too long. Soon afterwards there was a series of maybe 7-10 clicks and with each one my vision noticably improved. It was pretty amazing. Once the clicks (which were made by the laser) stopped, the flap was pushed back over and I could see clearly from the first eye. They repeated it with the second eye, all of this totaling maybe 5 or 10 minutes and I was done.

Ten minutes later I was in the car and on the way home.

I was told to sleep for 6 hours afterwards, and the valium they gave me (just one) before the surgery was supposed to help with that. That worked great for about an hour, then the pain began. For the next 2 1/2 or 3 hours my eyes hurt bad. Sleep was about the last thing I felt like doing, opening my eyes was difficult and painful and while I wasn’t crying (of course!) there were plenty of tears. It felt like someone was poking me in the eyes repeatedly. I got pretty worried at this point that something had gone wrong. In retrospect, I think that pain is normal, though they conveinently failed to mention this and acted like I’d sleep for 6 peaceful hours. Maybe I’m immune to valium, I never felt it kick, I don’t know. After what felt like forever, I was finally able to sleep, with a pair of protective goggles taped to my head to keep me from inadvertently rubbing my eyes. I slept for 2 hours and woke up with my eyes feeling fine and super hungry. I could see though! Perfectly!

Today (one day afterwards) it feels like I have in contacts that are maybe a day or two overdue for a change. I ocassionally notice it but I can see perfectly. I went into for a checkup this morning and they pronounced my vision to be 20/15.

The final cost at LasikPlus was (since all the advertising is so misleading and it’s hard to find the information elsewhere) $3500 for both eyes. There was also a $3000 procedure available which wasn’t “custom.” I was told that the custom procedure was recommended if your eye has more aberrations as it is supposed to map the irregularities and give you finer tuned vision. Whether this is mostly marketing hype or it really makes a difference, I’m not sure, but in the end I decided to pay the extra $500 since they’re my eyes and I love my eyes 🙂 Was it all worth it? Definitely. If LASIK isn’t a miracle of science, I don’t know what is.

I highly recommed the Wikipedia article on LASIK if you’re interested in a much more detailed description of the process and want to have some of your doubts dispelled.