A common theme that hospice workers write about is the regrets that dying people have in the final days of their lives. The point of these articles is to encourage people with time left to go out and do things while they still can to avoid having similar regrets.
What I want to focus on this year is similar to preparing to avoid deathbed regrets, but not quite the same. I want to figure out why I don’t do things that I know that I’d enjoy or, at least not regret, but that I still don’t do. Then, I if there’s no good reason not to do it, I want to do it.
For example, I’d almost certainly love scuba diving. I’d definitely benefit from doing yoga. If I got an online or real life French teacher, I’d improve much faster. If I started taking my kids to the rock climbing gym it’d almost certainly lead to lots of good times with them. There are several trips that I could plan that I haven’t.
Some people seem to get an idea for something, realize that they’d like it, then they do the logical thing and do it. Others, like me, sometimes stop short before actually taking the next step despite there being no good reason not to.
When I think about why I don’t do things I wouldn’t regret, it seems to come down to one or more of the following reasons:
- Time. It’s the most limited resource.
- Money. It’s is famously difficult to get and once you’ve spent it all, you have to spend time trying to get more of it.
- Health. Some things are risky to do.
- Energy. It’s also a limited resource and it’s a tough one to manage and predict.
- Mood & optimism. If I can’t imagine my future state of enjoyment vividly enough to convince myself it will be real, I likely won’t be motivated enough to do the thing.
- Comfort. It’s easy to get used to being comfortable and hard to get up the momentum to sacrifice comfort for some other good.
- Embarrassment or humiliation. We’re social creatures and if there’s even a slight chance of looking bad in front of others, it can be a huge deterrent.
- Fear of letting someone down. Sometimes I worry that someone I love will be hurt or disappointed by my choice. This fear can be something as simple as concern about leaving my family alone for a few days for a trip to worrying that someone with a different political/religious/moral view will be hurt if they find out I’m involved with something they disagree with. Obviously if I really would be hurting a loved one, I should take this thought seriously, but often it seems that the fear is irrational.
- Fear of failure. Sometimes I fear failure just because it’s failure, other times it’s the fear that yet another failure will in some way break my spirit and I won’t want to try new things again.
- Uncertainty. There is sometimes an aspect of the thing that I don’t know enough about and, rather than gathering more information or figuring out what I’m missing, I let the uncertainty be a mental blocker.
So, my plan for 2020 is to be more intentional about the things that I do and don’t do. If I have an idea of something I’d like to do, I’ll go down the list, try to figure out what it is that’s stopping me from doing the thing, and if there’s no rational reason not to do it, I’ll take action.